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With Relish! "Play Ball!" Meeting Scott Evil

George Bush and the Bible St. Francis of Assissi - Taking Care of the Boss' Property The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King - BEYOND THE DREAM Christianity in the Gold Rush Era Hollywood, Heaven and Hell The Simpsons vs. The Ten Commandments

It's On the Money God's Rules - God's Tools John 10:22-30 - The Trinity You Have the Gift What're You Waiting For? How Much is Enough? Where I Stand on Heaven ... I Think Where is "God Forsaken?" There is no Unemployment in the Kingdom of God - Matthew 24:14-30 Big Ones Look Out for the Little Ones Enter the New Year with Jesus

Introduction Each To Your Own Abilities Harry Potter and the Bible Acts 2:5-12 (Pentecost) God's Love Can Be Told In Many Ways (Pentecost) Giving Thanks We Are One in Christ's Family Mark 3:20-25 Who Are Your Brothers and Your Sisters? A Home Without a Father? Not Here! Infant Baptism - Why Babies Are Important Luke 12:7 For Mothers John 15:9-17 A Mother's Day Gift Luke 10:25-37 - The Good Samaritan James 1:23-24 Who Are You? Palm Sunday/Easter - The Greatest Easter Reminder Easter - Why Is Today The Day We Have Our Easter? Easter - Why is Jesus the Greatest of all Superheroes? Easter Egg I Easter Egg II Pentecost - The Holy Spirit I Pentecost - The Holy Spirit II Balloons and the Holy Spirit (Two Moments) The Christian Clock The Feather and the Brick The Greatest Tool God Ever Created The Plumb Line We Are Created In God's Image The Wizard of Oz God's Bakery The Parable of the Sower (Mark 4) Loaves and Fishes and the Jesus Box The Bristlecone Pine and the Bible From This Little Seed Baptism By Fire Grapes are the Path John 15 - The Vines Seeds of Faith Finding the Kingdom of God Two Magic Kingdoms The Roots of Christianity Pounding Home Our Point The Ladder of Success A Call to Arms God's Greatest Miracle Watch Out! Priceless! A Box Big Enough for God's Love How Much God Loves You Life's Party It's the Right Thing to Do The Sound of God Matthew 25:31-46 Big Ones Look Out For Little Ones Deuteronomy 8:7-18 Everything Comes From God JesusInc. and Pauls memo from Thessalonia Meet John the Baptist Remember the Chapel "He's Got the Whole World, in His Hands" What is God's Favorite Color? Room at the Table Follow Me! Turning the Tables - Getting Angry Jesus Style! God's Love Eclipses All! How to Celebrate Jesus with Music Jesus' Love is a Hoop! Jesus' Love is a Slinky Merry Christmas! In October? Romans 3:19-28 Jesus Forgives Us Our Mistakes Giving Thanks Luke 3:4-5 Prepare the Way Construction Company Karl Barth and Kids (Jesus Loves Me, This I Know) How to Build a "Jesus Box" Remote Control The Sound of Two Fingers Clapping 1 Corin 12: 12 - 27 The Heart of the Church Exodus 34:29-35, Luke 9:28-36 Shine Like Jesus! Acts 11:1-18 Peter's Vision CHRIST IS ATTRACTIVE TO ALL

"I guarantee the answer is 'no'... "Deeds, Not Words" "The power of our example..." "Fair play for those who dare to dream." "In the end..." "OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES" "As subtle as the letter 'B'." "If you ever need anything done, ... What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say "Failure is never quite so frightening as regret". UNquotable Quotes

JIM'S MIRACLE WEIGHT LOSS PLAN LIVE AND LEARN "Big Ones Look Out for the Little Ones" What They Don't Teach You in Business School Absolute Driving Rules (ADRs) The Lone Ranger's Creed Vacation Traveling Short Cuts While Driving Before you get the laugh... Game Time!

CYBERPAL, ELSEWAYS, ELSEWHEN and PALINIZED "Good Night, Angel. I Love You." GRADUATION DAY! It Makes No Sense - the price of minting a penny Why I Went to Seminary My Father, His New Doctor, and Abbot and Costello Flying with the Swiss Army How I Bested Captain Jack Sparrow -- Twice! A LOVE STORY MARK TWAIN - On Being Neighborly "Come on! Come On!" Homosexuality, The Bible, and "The Great American Experiment" THE JUST WAR THEORY We Give What We Can THE GREAT GAME OF GOLF

Welcome to THE GENIUS THAT IS JIM Road Tips! Helpful Household Hints for the Happy Homeowner Holiday Hints!

Welcome to IF I WERE IN CHARGE... West Coast Smithsonian Our National Anthem A Good Dollar Coin Our National Motto It Makes No Sense - Eliminate the Penny!

Face Recognition App for Sex Offenders Welcome to MILLION DOLLAR IDEAS! "Put Up or Shut Up!" A Television Game Show Business Card translation app An Orange Shake

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Senator Chase Matthew Guida" Summertime Sammy Dear God, Please send me a sign.

BEFORE YOU GET THE LAUGH...

The rules posted at MustBeGuida are of a general nature and I hope of interest and value to everyone. This rule is not the case. Oh, sure, you should follow it, but I'm not posting it for you. I am posting it for me.

Chances are pretty good that if you are reading this, you know me. And I will say, with no false modesty, that I am the funniest person you personally know. (Note to family: Same to you.) I have a very quick wit and I come up with surprising things that make people laugh. This is one of the gifts with which God has blessed me.

Another gift with which I have been blessed is friends and a Pastor who look out for my best interest. The phrase often heard was "Use your filter" or "You know, you said that out loud." To them I say, "thank you." I may not always implement my filter as they would like, but I have a new mantra when responding with a rapier-like retort. Secondly, did I get the laugh? But firstly, did anyone get hurt? If I can respond yes and no, accordingly (you figure it out), then the joke was a success. With this mantra, I am finding a lot less for which I need to apologize.

Thank you and go (joke deleted for fear of offending).

See how it works?

Submitted June 6, 2010